Practising Self-Compassion

I was in a funk this week. I didn’t feel like working, I felt tired and couldn’t find my rhythm. I felt guilty at first, like a failure and the pressure of paternity ending and “work” beginning. I’m not sure if there’s extra pressure because I work for myself, but I couldn’t be bothered. Can you relate? What I didn’t realise I needed was self-compassion.

Something told me to share my feelings with a friend, who reminded me of my recent achievements:

• Becoming a father (again)
• Hosting an AIS community social
• Re-launching personal and AIS blogs
• Created a new ebook (publishing next week).

They encouraged me to focus on the long game and give myself permission to take time off.

The word they shared was self-compassion. It’s the process of turning compassion inward. It’s about giving ourselves permission to be kind, rather than self-critical.

I sometimes feel like setting boundaries is selfish. It isn’t. Our first responsibility is to ourselves. We must make sure we’re refilling the cup from which we fill the cups of others.

Self-compassion begins with how we talk to ourselves. When difficult feelings or challenging situations arise, what do we say to ourselves?

Do we recognise and acknowledge our own humanity?

Do we practice empathy and understanding for ourselves? If we can become more aware of our feelings and reactions, and treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would extend to a friend in a similar situation, then we can begin to practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion can also be applied to our actions. When we make mistakes, do we take time to reflect and learn from our experiences, or do we berate and criticise ourselves? We can use self-compassion as a way to forgive and move forward, rather than holding onto negative emotions and ruminating on our past.

Here are some action points I found useful:

• Become aware of feelings and reactions and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding as a friend
• Reflect and learn from mistakes, rather than berate and criticise self
• Take time to nourish your body and mind, rather than pushing too hard and ignoring your own needs
• Reconnect with values and be kinder to self (reviewing my Personal User Guide)

Finally, self-compassion can be a way to stay mindful of our physical and mental well-being. Do we take time to nourish our bodies and minds, or do we push ourselves too hard and ignore our own needs?

Practising self-compassion can be a way to reconnect with our values and be kinder to ourselves.

Be kind to yourself this week!